My Thoughts

I've been down in the dumps about my mothering skills lately.  I've been reading some wonderful discipline books and am really excited that I am figuring out a good way to discipline and putting it to action.  Yet, the disciplining is CONSTANT.  I mean, sometimes it's 6 -7 times an HOUR constant.  I feel like if I were a better parent, (who plays more and cleans/works less), my kids wouldn't be trying to get my attention with being disrespectful, violent, mean, etc.  To make things worse, I think I take their unacceptable behaviors personally and get WAY too emotionally outraged.

There are so many times I feel like I'm too lenient with the boys so I decide to get with the program and discipline like I'm supposed to.  Then I feel too psycho crazy mom for punishing them all the time because Isaiah, especially, doesn't listen when I tell him to go to his room.  Caleb goes to his room but he gives me attitude the whole way.   I feel like my authority is slowly leaking away and with it, Angry Mom has taken over.

Isaiah loves books.  He reads them day in and day out, but, (and that's a big fat 'but') he treats them so badly.  He pulls on them, throws them down the steps and rips out the pages.  My packing tape is running low just from bandaging up the books he breaks.

I was trying to make my Grandma's famous brown bread the other day and Isaiah tipped over 4 cups of butter, molasses, and water ALL over my kitchen.  I was furious!  I cried almost the entire time I cleaned it up and was desperately hoping for the time that I would laugh about this would come soon.

That day wasn't the greatest for me.  I banished Caleb to the basement because he kept on wanting me to play with him like nothing happened and Livia pooped right after the big spill.  Then, after I stripped Isaiah down, put him in his room and cleaned up the mess, I went to get him and he had took his diaper off and peed on the floor.  I remade the bread and it ended up not rising so I had to throw it all away.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a super woman in my book.  But is she almost impossible to strive for?

I feel like my short span of motherhood has been plagued with guilt.  I'm doing too much of this, so I change.  But now I'm doing to little of that.  And it goes on and on.  Where is the peace?  Or maybe I have peace every once in a while but right now I have a 2 year old, so peace is few and far in between.  (You people with 2 year-olds know exactly what I'm talking about.)

I know of a woman who has 9 children.  8 of them are boys.  I wonder if she's still paying off her credit cards from buying and replacing things her boys broke when they were toddlers

I love my kids desperately, I know they are a blessing and I don't mean to complain about them, but it's hard right now.  Really hard.  Emotionally, I'm drained at the end of the day from trying to figure out the 'right way' to do everything.  Everything!  For example: Coming at a situation, laundry vs. play, what I should do about a remark that was just said, how much is too much, how should I play with him, etc.

Am I the only one?
*sigh*

On another note,

Happy Halloween everyone!

Okay, to be fair, this picture was taken NOT on Halloween, but four days later because I completely forgot to take a picture of them in their costumes.  It was right before supper (already not a good idea) and I had to wake up Livia to put her in the picture.  I guess I might have set myself up for the hysteria of it.  Ah well, life goes on.